Thursday, March 11, 2010

a series of unfortunate events

I will warn you, as I write this post I am bubbling over with emotion.

One my way home from work {aka on the way home from the job that is draining the life out of me}, I got in a wreck.

This was my second wreck this month.

You might feel bad for me, or you might that "she must be an idiot." Both  are probably correct.

I can't even believe myself. I think that I sat for the full hour waiting for the cop to arrive with my head on the stearing wheel.

Thankfully, {both times} E came to my rescue. I called him after both wrecks and he was there within 10 minutes. I truly do not know what I would do without him. Dealing with stuff like this is not my strong suite. I am more of a ...get in a wreck ... can't find my wallet/license in my purse ... the insrance card that I do hae is expired {although I remember getting a new one in the mail, but who knows where I sat that mail} ... registration? ... kind of a person. I am just being honest. That is how I am. Although his thoroughness can drive me up the wall, at times like this I am thankful that he is exactly the way he is.

The wrecks have just been the icing on the cake.

I don't know what is up. I know that I am insanely blessed, but I feel like I am in a funk.

I am desperately wanting a new job. I know that with today's economy I am lucky to have my job. However, it's just not me. It's still a paycheck, but research is totally not my thing. I want to work with people. I want to help people. I want to be a therapist.

As I ran last night, I just kept asking God why He just won't provide for me the opportunity to do something that I feel so passionate about. I know the obvious answer that He will provide in His timing, and His timing is always perfect. Sometimes when you're waiting, going on interviews and not getting jobs, it's easy to start doubting. At least that's how I am feeling.

I feel like my frustration is pouring out into other areas of my life. For example, earlier today I went on a long tangent telling E {in a nut shell} how I feel like he doesn't pay enough attention to me. While neither of us are perfect, I know that he didn't deserve to get the wrath of my frustration. He is a fabulous husband. It's like when a couple things are frustrating you, it's easy to feel like everything is bad. Maybe that is just me being immature. Probably.

And just a little side note .. Addie keeps running away.  She is sweet, but also a huge punk. She likes to dig and squeeze herself under the fence. Thankfully she cannot run far because all of our neighbors yards are fenced as well.

Sorry for being a downer. I will try to post something super cheerful tomorrow. Maybe a little Spring focus. For now, I am just going to subcumb and be an emotional eater. I already ordered my favorite pizza. I might even eat it in bed, where I have vowed to stay for the rest of the night. I wish I had some girl scout cookies as well. It's probably good that I do not. I would eat the whole box. Does anyone else feel stressed/sad/frustrated and immediately think about food?

I also think that I will continue reading Alice and Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass. Escape into the world of literature and fantasy.

Thanks for listening. I promise, tomorrow will be bright and happy.

{I am not going to read through this and edit. I usually don't anyways. Don't judge me.}


Lucianne said...

thanks for being honest wehn. i feel like i'm in a funk now too, and kj gets the brunt of it sometimes. glad to know i'm not alone in this.

Anonymous said...

Rachel, life is just learning to ride the waves. Sometimes your up and sometimes your down but you can count on no situation lasts forever. Go ahead and feel down, let it out and move on and don't ever forget, God is right beside you riding the wave with you. Love from your aunt!

Brittney said...

I appreciate your honesty and not feeling like you have to put on a front. So no worries about posting upbeat things - life isn't always upbeat. I do bet pizza and a little reading escape helped the evenin' out though :) Thanks for being transparent and real! After I post this I will pray for you today to seek our King and find your rest in Him.

Courtney said...

I think we all need to vent from time to time...and a blog is a perfect place to do so! Sorry about your wreck, everything will turn out for the best. And as a Christian you're so blessed to have that never ending hope in life, even when life is sucky and that hope is hard to know it's still there. God's got it!!!

Julie said...

Remember when I was a CRAZY in 2006?? Same thing. I had a job - hated it. I had a loving husband - always drama (probably because of the crazy pills). I wanted the Lord to change everything.

I know the feeling. Stay in the Word and saturate your mind with His truths. Seriously, without that you just let your little mind tell you lies and influence you to be even crazier. Hope you and all your cars are okay...and hope the wrecked one wasn't the rental!!!