this weekend's project

This weekend ... with the help of a few wonderful girlfriends ... I will be painting my cabinets and adding lovely blue knobs just like these. 

SO excited about the little transformation. 

There are a lot of things  that I want to do to spruce up our kitchen, but I decided to be patient and take it one step at a time. 

Maybe I will appreciate it more as I see it slowly come together. 

I'll be sure to take before and after pictures to share!

Please let me know if you're local and would like to help with this painting extravaganza! 

I'll bribe you with lemonade and other treats ...

sunny

I think that I could be the owner of this little cafe.

Or maybe I'd be a better customer.

Either way, I'd like to hang out here.

Anyone else want to join me?

I am really sucking at blogging

Happy Monday Bloggers! 

This picture has nothing to do with anything that I want to write about.

But I do love it. 

I could sit there with E every morning - for the rest of our lives. 

So simple - yet so lovely.

Anyways,

again I apologize for sucking at blogging lately. 

I might just have to come to terms with the fact that I am no longer a daily blogger. I once was, and I might be one again someday, but right now I am not. 

However, I am really excited to share with you some things that have been on my heart.

God is working in my life big time.

IT FEELS AMAZING.

REFRESHMENT

HOPE

THANKFULNESS

PEACE

CONTENTMENT

Those are only a few of the things that the Holy Spirit has stirred up in me. 

As it is with most growth, it hasn't been easy.

It has been really really hard.

I have felt more broken, hopeless, and scared than I have in a long time.

However, I am learning in a whole new way that when the things I want here on earth seem hopeless or scary -

I HAVE A PROMISE OF HEAVEN THAT GIVES ME REFRESHMENT, HOPE, PEACE, CONTENTMENT 

A promise that I can only be thankful for.

As many of you know, E and I have been trying to have a baby.

{If you're new to the blog, then surprise!}

We went off the bc pill only a few short months ago. We thought this whole having a baby thing would be a breeze. Yeah, I knew that it might not happen the first, second, or even third month that we tried. I was ok with that. I knew that many couples had to try for awhile.

I was prepared for a little wait. 

I was not prepared for the things that we've encountered since I took that last pill.

I won't give tons of details, not because I want to be private about it, but mainly bc I don't feel like writing it. 

Let's just say that the medical world now defines me as a habitual aborter. 

Thankfully, I know that is not who I am. 

I know that my hope is not in being a mom.

My hope is in the promise of heaven. Eternity with God.

Do I want to me a mom? YES!!! 

However, I know that being a mother is not promised to me. 

I do know that eternal life with my Savior is promised. Because of that I can still hope. I can do more than hope - I can rejoice. 

What I have been going through hurts like hell. 

It tears your heart out. 

It leaves you anxious and disappointed.

Through this I have found great comfort in the truth that Christ walked the earth as well. He knew suffering and grief very well. 

He knows what I am going through.

He is very near through E and I's suffering. 

Recently, my friend sent me this sermon to listen to. 

It is amazing.

It is truth.

You really should listen and check it out.

Since I listened to it, I have prayed that my heart would be like Paul's when he says ...

⁸What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ ⁹and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. ¹⁰I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, ¹¹and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.

Philippians 3:8-11

This scripture says because of Christ, even our greatest treasures are crap. It's pretty easy for me to look at my possessions and know that they're worthless. But when I look straight in the face with my desire to have a child ... well that's a different story. 

 Do I believe that even being a mom someday will be crap compared to Christ?

I don't know. 

A month ago, I might have said that I knew that was true, but my heart would have been way off. In my heart I would have desired pregnancy and being a mother right above God.

Lately, God has been straightening this out for me. 

In a good way. 

He is a very good God. 

I still desire to be a mom. I am not praying for that desire to be lifted.

I feel confident that I will be a better mom someday because of this truth.

In the sermon that I listened to the speaker talks about the parable of the treasure hidden in the field. 

Matthew 13:44

"The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field.

The speaker challenged me to think about what I need to sell to buy the field. 

What am I putting before God? 

What do I desire more than Him? 

What are my idols? 

For me, the answer through pretty loud and clear. 

I want to be a mother.

I want to feel a baby more inside me, and then I want to hold it in my arms

I want to watch them grow up.

But, these things are not promised. These hopes are not eternal. I cannot base my life on these hopes. 

They're good hopes and I know that I will see God more clearly through motherhood.

But - please hear me - 

they're not the ultimate hope.

We may be blessed with many things in our life.

Someday, I might even be blessed with a child. 

What doesn't change is that God is God. He is good.

He is better than any of my hopes or desires. 

He should be sought after.

He should be praised.

your grace will not refuse me

I'm not going to lie. 

Things have been rough around here.

Through life's struggles, I am being challenged. 

However, I am growing. 

Each day I feel more intimate with the God who made me. 

So for that I can only be thankful. 

I may not be getting what I want, but I am getting what I need. 

For the past week or so, I have been listening to this song on repeat. 

I cling to it's words. 

I hope that it encourages you in whatever you may be dealing with.

I HAVE A SHELTER

I have a shelter in the storm
When troubles pour upon me
Though fears are rising like a flood
My soul can rest securely
O Jesus, I will hide in You
My place of peace and solace
No trial is deeper than Your love
That comforts all my sorrows

I have a shelter in the storm
When all my sins accuse me
Though justice charges me with guilt
Your grace will not refuse me
O Jesus, I will hide in You
Who bore my condemnation
I find my refuge in Your wounds
For there I find salvation

I have a shelter in the storm
When constant winds would break me
For in my weakness, I have learned
Your strength will not forsake me
O Jesus, I will hide in You
The One who bears my burdens
With faithful hands that cannot fail
You’ll bring me home to heaven

You can listen to this song here.

Today, I hope that I (and you) will thank God for the gifts that he is giving you. 

They may not be what you think you need right now, but they're very good gifts.

Until this passes, I am going to do exactly what God told David:

Psalm 110:1
"Sit at my right hand 

until I make your enemies

a footstool for your feet."

popping in to say hello

Happy Monday Bloggers. 

I'm not sure what it's like where you are, but here is it pretty stinkin' hot.

Hope you all had a great weekend. My little sister came and stayed with E and I while my parents were in the Bahamas. We had a fabulous time. She is 12 years younger and lives an hour away. Even though it's only an hour, I still feel like I miss so much of her growing up. 

This weekend we enjoyed lots of big sister / little sister time. 

We ...

ate pizza

had manicures and pedicures

played with an adorable little puppy named Tucker

slept in

went to the pool

made jewelry

window shopped at the mall 

&

enjoyed the summer sun at the Farmer's Market

I have so much else to share with you guys. Some of it is very good & some of it is difficult, but I am growing from it all. I guess that's what really matters. 

I hope to share soon, but for now I am off to enjoy a P.F. Chang's date with my favorite person in the world ... E!

don't waste your cancer

This is my friend Libby's blog. 

Libby and I were in a bible study together for a couple of years, and her husband and I went to high school together. 

Libby is an amazing woman of Christ. She is a mother. She is a fabulous wife and friend. 

A couple of years ago, Libby and her husband moved to Virginia. Her husband Justin is on Young Life staff there. 

Libby started this blog about a week ago.

About a week ago she was diagnosed with Lymphoma. 

I am sharing this so that you can pray for them. 

I am also sharing because I truly believe that their honest faith will be an encouragement to you.

Each day I log on and read there new post, and each day tears come to my eyes ( and I am really not a big time cryier either). 

They're amazing. 

Please pray.

nobody wants one, but everybody needs one

a budget

In these past couple months, a budget is something that E and have have been talking about. 

E starts graduate school in one month (so proud of him) and we've been thinking about what it will be like to welcome another person into our family. 

With those two plans/changes, E and I decided that we needed to get serious about our budget. Since February, E and I have been operating on an envelope budget system. 

You can read more about it here.

The primary principle behind the envelope system is CASH HURTS.

It's much easier to swipe the plastic, than to shell out the dollar bills.

It's so true.

With the envelope system, E and I have committed to spending only cold hard cash. To clarify, bills and tithing are automatically taken out of our checking account ... so I'm not talking about that type of spending. I'm talking about any money we would spend at a store or restaurant. 

We chose to simplify and divide our envelopes up into these categories..

1. Daily Needs (for things like cleaning supplies, shampoo, medical co-pays, ect.)

2. Eating Out

3. Groceries

4. Gifts (this is for things like bday or wedding gifts ... not tithing)

5. Pets 

6. Joy (my favorite. this is E and I's spending money. we can individually spend it on whatever we want and the neither of us can say anything about it)

At the beginning (the 1st) and halfway through the month (the 15th) I fill the envelopes up with cash. Then, for the rest of the month we only use the money in those envelopes. 

I will say that we decided to have a "bank" envelope as well. This is only for the convience factor. We don't spend any of the money out of the bank envelope, it's only for making change. 

You might ask ... "what happens if you forget an envelope at home?" 

Well, that's where the bank envelope comes in place. If I run to the grocery and spend $10.00, but don't have my "grocery" envelope on me, then I will put it on our debit card. However, as soon as I get home I take $10.00 out of the grocery envelope and put it into the bank envelope. For me, I have to do this as soon as I get home or I will forget. 

One other thing that I love about the envelope system is that it causes me to have to plan out my spending. I find that I spend less when I do this. Planning out our spending also helps cut down on the "oops I forgot our envelope, I guess we'll just use plastic" mindset. 

So, there it is ... our budgeting mindset. If you're having trouble saving or spending too much, then I would suggest that you go to cash. It has truly helped us spend less, and most of all, become better stewards of the money that God has trusted us with.

not good

Three things that are not good for me ...

1. Mondays

2.  Going into JCrew

3. THIS